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Dating Customs

Ex. 6. a) Read the text and discuss the changes in American dating customs:

Will You Go out with Me?

The article from Newsweek was written by a student at the University of California at Berkeley named Laura Ullman. It describes the difficulty faced by a woman in deciding whether to ask a man out on a date.

The article discusses American dating customs.

Every day I anxiously wait for you to get to class. I can’t wait for us to smile at each other and say good morning. After a month of desperately desiring to ask you out, today I am going to. Encourage me, because letting you know I like you seems as risky to me as sky diving into the sea.

I know that dating has changed dramatically in the past few years. I was raised in a traditional European household where simply the thought of my asking you out spells naughty. Growing up, I learned that men call, ask and pay for the date. During my three years at the university, I have learned otherwise. Many Berkeley women have brightened their social lives by taking the initiative with men. My girlfriends insist that it is essential for women to participate more in the dating process. More women are inviting men out.

I keep telling myself to relax since dating is less stereotypical and more casual today. Most of my peers prefer casual dating anyway because it’s cheaper and more comfortable. They enjoy last-minute “let’s make dinner together” dates because they not only avoid hassling with attire and transportation.

Casual dating also encourages people to form healthy friendships prior to starting relationships. Men and women relax and get to know each other more easily through such friendships. Casual dating is improving people’s social lives. When she wants to let a guy know she is interested, she will say, “Hey, let’s go get a yogurt.”

Who pays for it? Many young people prefer going Dutch. “It’s safer and more comfortable when we each pay for ourselves.”

Men and women alike are confused about who should ask whom out and who should pay. I am grateful for casual dating because it has improved my social life immensely by making me an active participant in the process. Now I can not only receive roses but can also give them.

Sliding into his desk, he taps my shoulder and says, “Hi, Laura, what’s up?”

“Good morning,” I answer with nervous chills. “Hey, how would you like to have lunch after class on Friday?”

“You mean after the midterm?”.

2. Complete the sentences:

1. Dating has changed … in the past few years. 2. The thought of a girl’s asking a man out sometimes spells … . 3. Girlfriends insist that it is … for women to participate more in the dating process. 4. Most of peers prefer … dating, because it’s cheaper and more comfortable. 5. Casual dating … people’s social lives. 6. Casual dating … people to form healthy friendships prier to starting relationships.

2. Speculate on the following:

• what changes in dating customs have taken place in the American society.

• dating customs in Belarus.

• your opinion on the topic.

Ex. 7. Read the text and pick out the information about an engagement:

Engagements, weddings, births and funerals getting engaged

In Britain the custom of becoming engaged is still generally retained, though many young people dispense with it, and the number of such couples is increasing. As a rule, an engagement is announced as soon as a girl has accepted a proposal of marriage, but in some cases it is done a good time afterwards. Rules of etiquette dictate that the girl’s parents should be the first to hear the news; in practice, however, it is often the couple’s friends who are taken into confidence before either of the parents. If a man has not yet met his future in-laws he does so at the first opportunity, whereas his parents usually write them a friendly letter. It is then up to the girl’s mother to invite her daughter’s future in-laws to a meal or drinks. Quite often, of course, the man has been a frequent visitor at the girl's house long before the engagement, and their families are already well acquainted.

When a girl accepts a proposal, the man generally gives her a ring. It is worn on the third finger of the left hand before marriage and together with the wedding ring after it. Engagement rings range from expensive diamond rings to rings with Victorian semi-precious stones costing only a few pounds.

In most cases the engagement itself amounts only to announcement being made to the parents on both sides and to friends and relations, but some people arrange an engagement party, and among the better-off people it is customary to put an announcement in the newspaper.

A man should have a talk with the girl’s father about the date of their wedding, where they will live, how well off he is and his future plans and prospects. Nowadays this is often not done, one of the reasons being that today the young people enjoy a greater degree of financial independence that they used to, to be able to decide these matters for themselves.

Do people become engaged in Belarus?

Would you like to have the tradition of engagement in our country?

Ex. 8. Read the article carefully. Consult a dictionary for unfamiliar words:

Divorces rise and fewer get married

By Jeremy Laurance (from THE, August 23, 1995)

THE structure of the traditional British family has altered dramatically over the past decade, with the divorce rate at an all-time high and the popularity of marriage at a 50-year low.

Figures published yesterday for 1993 show that the number of couples divorcing that year reached 165,000, while the number of marriages fell below 300,000.

The high risk of marital breakdown is making young people increasingly cautious, with more people delaying the age at which they take their vows. More couples are choosing to live together and have illegitimate children.

Britain’s divorce rate is among the highest in Europe, along with Denmark and Sweden. After fluctuating in the 1980s, it has resumed its upward trend with a 9 per cent rise since 1989. The marriages that ended in divorce in 1993 lasted an average of just under ten years.

The number of children whose parents divorced also reached a new record in 1993 of 176,000.

Couples are on average almost three years older when they tie the knot than their counterparts in 1983. Men are 28.2 and women 26.2 when they marry for the first time, compared with 25.7 and 23.4.

Since 1972, when a record 426,000 couples were married, the number of weddings has fallen by a third. In 1983 there were 344,334 marriages and the number remained steady for the rest of the decade. In 1990, however, the downward trend resumed, and in 1993 only 299,197 couples made the commitment.

The number of divorces doubled during the 1970s from 74,000 in 1971 to 146,000 a decade later. They remained at roughly that level during the 1980s. If the present rates continue, nearly 40 per cent of marriages will end in divorce.

Research shows that children from families disrupted by separation and divorce fare worse than those in which the parents stay together.

Zelda West Meads, a Relate counsellor, said: “Marriages are declining and divorce may be going up, but most people still go into marriage wanting it to last a lifetime. Most people still believe that marriage or an equally committed relationship is the best environment in which to bring up children.”

Rabbi Dr Julian Jacobs, speaking on behalf of the Chief Rabbi, Dr Jonathan Sacks, said society’s acceptance of divorce was a matter of regret. “We seem to have lost our sense of shame. In she past people were embarrassed to admit they had affairs or got divorced but now the attitude is that people can do their own thing. Not every marriage was perfect but even those less than ideally happy continued for the sake of the family. Nowadays, if you don’t like how your wife makes a cheese-cake you get divorced.”

Dr Jack Dominian, the director of the One plus One charity, which does research into the prevention of marital breakdown, said couples were inadequately prepared for the commitment. “Marriage has changed from a contract of social roles, with the husband as provider and the wife as home-maker, to a relationship of love but people are not trained, prepared or supported for this transformation. It is one thing to know about social roles but it is another to master the social skills of relatioinships.”

Louie Burghes, of the Family Policy Studies Centre, said it was not inevitable that the children of divorced couples did less well. “The quality of the relationship between the parents and the children is the most important thing,” she said.

b) Prepare extensive answers to the following questions:

1) What couples have illegitimate children? 2) How long had the couples been married on average before they divorced in 1993? 3) What do most people still hope for going into marriage? 4) Why did people in the past continue their marriages and did not divorce? 5) Do the British try to prevent marital breakdown?

c) Translate the sentences into English using the words from the article:

1) Браки в среднем продолжаются около 10 лет. 2) Все больше людей откладывают время вступления в брак. 3) Количество бракосочетаний уменьшилось на треть. 4) Лучшей средой для воспитания детей является семья. 5) Самое главное – это отношения между родителями и детьми.

2. Read the passage and then retell it. When doing it you will, of course, put the

sentences in slightly different language. Take care not to change the meaning

however:

“Marriage has changed from a contract of social roles, with the husband as provider and the wife as home-maker, to a relationship of love but people are not trained, prepared or supported for this transformation. It is one thing to know about social roles but it is another to master the social skills of relationships”.

Ex. 10. a) Read an interview with an Indian lady, Rajkumary Kejriwal, or just

Raj about her arranged (брак, когда жениха девушке выбирают родители) marriage.

I = Interviewer

R = Raj

I How old were you when you met your husband, Raj?

R Mm … I was erm, sixteen.

I And what were you doing at the time?

R Oh I was at home. I had left school, and I was having private tuition actually, at home, to prepare me for my exams.

I And your father arranged your marriage, is that right?